A healthy relationship builds your confidence.
You are a strong woman who has always followed her heart. You knew what you wanted, you embraced your strengths and acknowledged your weaknesses. You genuinely care for people but don't care to impress anyone. But if you find yourself to be a different person only in your relationship, where you often doubt your self-worth and wonder if you need to be better in order to deserve love, it is time to hit pause. Love may not always be perfect, but it should not hurt you in a way that you become a stranger to yourself.
If you have started to question your worth and your capabilities often, especially when it comes to your relationship, here are five things you need to keep in mind.
You don't realize it as it happens, but when you look back you see that you were a lot more confident and sure of yourself before this relationship. If you doubt yourself more often, often wonder if you are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, mature enough for your partner, this can be a red flag. Is your partner saying or doing things, or refusing to say or do things that make you feel valued and appreciated?
When you are with the right person, you will not just feel good about yourself, but also know you need to grow in some areas. But this comes from self-awareness, not insecurity. Your partner should encourage you to conquer new heights and expand your horizons. Even when you feel, you are not good enough, your partner ought to be your biggest cheerleader, who reassures you that you deserve the best.
It doesn't matter how the argument started, it will always end with you taking the blame for it. Your partner is always the victim and makes you feel sorry for your actions. But deep inside, you know you were right. You know your actions are justified. However, your voice is never heard. It is always about how you made your partner feel, and how they are affected by your comments. You need to realize your partner is taking advantage of the love and concern you have for them.
Even when there are no arguments, you find yourself being careful around them. Even simple decisions will make you stressful, where you think about what they want before knowing what you need. This is a sign of emotional manipulation.
If your partner makes you believe that you need to fix yourself or change into a better version in order to receive his love, it is a form of manipulation. If they make sly remarks or say things that make you feel you need to go out of your way to "deserve" their attention or love, step back and see how that makes you feel. You are enough and worthy just as you are.
It is normal for couples to have certain expectations of growth and evolution. But someone who cares for you will have your wellbeing in mind. If they do want you to change, it is a change that is healthy for you not convenient for them. And even then, they will not withhold love, but give extra support to help you transition.
Whenever you are nice to your partner, they may assume you are a weakling. They don't realize you are strong and independent, yet you care enough for them to do little things for them. Even when you are kind-hearted to people, your partner might think it's because you are incapable of being firm. They do not understand it is a conscious choice you have made. Your kind heart also makes you emotionally vulnerable, which they may dismiss as naive and silly. You might feel like you have to hide your feelings or toughen up to be considered strong. If your partner evokes such feelings, you need to rethink your decision to stay in the relationship.
Your family and friends know who you are and love you for you who are. They depend on you because of your competence and confidence. And you feel good about yourself when you are around them. But if this natural confidence is missing in your relationship, and you find yourself second-guessing your abilities, or feeling you are not good enough, then something is amiss in your relationship This wouldn't happen if you are with the right person. You will not only feel good, but your confidence will grow as they support you through your journey.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.