Kristen R. Moore shared a Twitter thread revealing her own experiences through this tragic loss.
Miscarriage, unfortunately, is a very common loss that women have to face during pregnancy. As per WebMD, while 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriages even before the mother knows that they are pregnant, 15-20% of informed pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
Despite the statistics, conversations around miscarriages are considered taboo. This spontaneous loss of pregnancy is incredibility traumatic and there is an increasing need for more awareness and support for the people who go through it. Kristen R. Moore did her part by creating a Twitter thread about her own experience with a miscarriage. She talks about the things that no one tells about suffering through this great loss. Her tweets are being shared widely and compelled many other mothers to share their own experiences.
Today, I paid over $1000 out of pocket for my miscarriage. They didn't tell me it would cost so much to lose a baby. Here are other things they don't tell you about miscarriages. A thread based on my experience. CW: miscarriage & infertility.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
These are 14 things that Kristen. R Moore shared about miscarriage.
1. It is a long and tiring process.
1. It takes a long time. It's not an event that's suddenly over. It's like a fucking marathon. A sad, dehydrated marathon with nothing on the end but empty.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
2. Lack of training in the medical profession
2. Practitioners who support birth don’t necessarily know how to support miscarriage—the joy of birth is so stark when compared to the grief and loss of miscarriage. Some of y’all need training.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
3. Stigma attached to the medication
3. There is medication to help the miscarriage along. It is used for abortion, too, and your pharmacist may treat you like you’re entering an abortion clinic when you want more information about how it works.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
4. Inaccessibility of medication and care
4. The most commonly used medication is officially prescribed for ulcers; all use for miscarriage management is “off books.” This gives your pharmacist permission (tacit or explicit) to deny you information about vaginal (rather than oral) use.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
5. You can request additional medicinal information
5. The informational inserts for the medication—Misoprostol—warn you about how it can trigger miscarriage. If you have a decent pharmacist, they’ll give you supplemental information that they print off from the internet.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
6. Infertility treatments and miscarriages
6. When you’ve been through infertility treatments, a natural pregnancy doesn’t always feel like a miracle. Sometimes it feels like a tightrope walk, a risk, a pain waiting to happen.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
7. The feeling of loneliness
7. Miscarriage is so, so lonely. Y’all. The emptying of your body like that…bless it. You really DON’T want to talk about it, but you sometimes want to scream about it. Where can we go to scream?— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
8. The dilemma of losing a part of you
8. You want it to speed up and slow down all at once. Hurry, hurry, hurry up, and then no, don’t go--please don’t go.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
9. The grief of non-birthing parents is real
9. Non-birthing parents are ignored in the miscarriage experience: their grief and pain and suffering is real, too.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
10. The body will take time to reverse the changes
10. When the miscarriage happens at 13 weeks, the weight stays on; you still have to pull out the pregnancy pants, as a reminder of your previous maternity state.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
11. It's hard to talk about it
11. No one talks about it, so you don’t know how to talk about. People say the wrong thing, but you’re so sad that you don’t want to say, “don’t ever say that to a person miscarrying.”— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
12. Things you shouldn't say to someone who underwent a miscarriage
12. Related, do not recommend: “But you can try again soon, right?” upon hearing the news. Also, do not recommend: “Everything happens for a reason.” Or “This is all part of God’s plan.”— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
13. You will find support and care
13. There are humans who feel like little angels, the tech who asks if you want to hear the lack of heartbeat, the friend you can scream with, the partner who'll hold you in your grief. Mostly they feel like blips on a terrible painful road.— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
14. It is painful and expensive
14. It's expensive and painful (like birth) and at the end you don't get anything except a bill and a new playlist called, "Shit to help you get through the baby that never was."— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021
Moore has one child who was conceived through IVF, reports Buzzfeed News. She says, "We tried for seven years before we got our first positive pregnancy test through IVF, after a laparoscopy, several rounds of insemination, and years of trying ourselves." However, she had a surprise pregnancy a few years later which resulted in a miscarriage. "I was 13 weeks along by the time I had the D&C (a procedure that clears the uterine lining after a miscarriage)." she recalls. "I was almost 12 weeks when we couldn't find the heartbeat. We'd heard the heartbeat several times before and had gotten the all-clear on our genetic tests. We'd just started telling people because the tests were all good," she added.
Moore says that the process is incredibly inaccessible to most parents because of the huge expenses involved. The extensive bill of more than $1,200 dollars—which Moore got even after having good insurance—compelled her to share her experience with the miscarriage. "I believe we should implement comprehensive healthcare reform, especially for women. That healthcare reform should include post-miscarriage support, including time off after birth and miscarriage, therapists/doula support, and a more holistic approach to training medical professionals dealing with this kind of loss."
1. I went through a second trimester abortion after finding out my child would not survive outside of womb. Hearing this after 4 miscarriages was beyond painful. Had to pay completely out of pocket despite an expensive insurance— Raghad Ahmad (@raghadahmad14) January 8, 2022
Her Twitter thread triggered a series of comments from parents sharing their own experiences with miscarriages. A user, Kristin, wrote, "My heart goes out to you so deeply. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks. I walked around the house the day after the confirmation but before the dnc, feeling like my body wasn't a temple but a tomb. I am sorry. Just so, so sorry love. Survive. That's literally all anyone can ask." Another user, Carrie, highlighted the importance of training to deal with miscarriages in hospitals. "I had one (24 years ago) dr didn’t do D&C. Told me I could get pregnant again right away (i was younger & had NO CLUE). I got pregnant immediately but had an infection due to lack of D&C and lost twins. It still haunts me. Thank you for sharing."
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