I have fallen in love more than once. But falling in love with a strong woman was the most special of all.
She was unlike anybody else I met. Daring, adventurous and commanding attention whenever she walked into a room. But it wasn't because of the way she looked. Yes, of course, she was beautiful, but it was that charismatic energy she had, so magnetic that you feel like you want to contain it in your palm but that's not where it's meant to be. Maybe that was the biggest mistake I did in our relationship; holding her back due to my own insecurities and selfish needs.
She took my breath away the very first time we met and I could feel myself fall in love with her all at once like a rush I couldn't control. When she finally agreed to go out with me, I was ecstatic. Just when I thought I couldn't feel more love, I fell into it deeper. The more she opened up, the more she showed how she wasn't afraid of even the most intense emotions.
Things were unbelievably great at the beginning of our relationship. I could see that she was fiercely independent and her freedom was something she took great pride in. But my insecurities came in between us. She gave me her complete honesty and trust in the relationship, but I failed to give her the same. She would patiently listen to everything I had to say, but there were times when I wouldn't be as patient when it came to listening to what she had to say. And even though she was always honest with me, I let me fears get in the way of my honesty in the relationship. And it wasn't long before I started losing her.
While others would tell me things that I wanted to hear or tell me things that were nice to hear, she was the only one who would tell me the truth no matter how bitter it was and I couldn't take it at the time. But it's only after our relationship ended that I understood she was the only one who genuinely cared. Nowadays, people might force a smile in front of me and pretend like they care, but it's not with the same genuine kindness that she had.
I'm not the kind of man who can promise a woman that our life will always be filled with laughter because let's be realistic, every relationship has its struggles. And she is someone who was aware of that. Not one to expect a happily ever after without putting in the work. She knew that life can get bitter sometimes but she would never back down no matter. That's why she stood by my side through the joys and still never left even when there were tears.
She knew that she had the strength and resilience to overcome whatever came into her life, and she never left me behind. She would inspire me to push out of my comfort zone, but whenever she wanted to take a risk and asked me what I thought, I would always say, "but what if you fail". She needed someone who would give her the right words of encouragement she needed to chase after all the adventures she craves for, and that someone failed to be me.
There were things that I thought were more important than giving time to our relationship; there were things that I prioritized over her, but now, none of that mattered. It didn't matter that I got the promotion I wanted, or that I finally achieved something I had worked so hard for... because I didn't have her to share it with. For all that she brought to the relationship, my personal achievements didn't make her feel appreciated. I thought she could have given our relationship a second chance. But I didn't realize just how many chances she gave me to stick to the commitment I gave her in the relationship. She kept her word throughout and there wasn't a single promise she broke, but I didn't put the same effort. And I paid the price for it.
I have fallen in love more than once in the past. But what I felt for her was irreplaceable. I didn't treat her in the best way that I could have. She gave me nothing but respect and honesty, and when it was my turn to give it back, I failed.
Falling in love with her was like finding a new side of me, one that only she could bring out. And as she left, that part was left empty.