The day they passed away is a dark mark that separates your life before their death and after their death. Nothing will ever go back to the way it was.
There's only one thing in life that makes you feel a flood of emotions and nothing you do can control it — the death of a loved one. The thought of them having gone forever makes you feel lost, disconnected, numb, and empty, all at the same time. And it changes you forever in these ways.
The day your loved one passed away will be etched in your memory forever, almost like a dark mark that separates your life before their death and your life after their death. You know that things will never ever go back to the same way they were. But because you can't move backward, you force yourself to move forward into the newness of life without them.
Every time you look back at the day they passed on, you feel a rush of anger and asking why it had to be them that was taken away. It makes you feel bitter when you think about all the things that were left unsaid, all the things you imagined doing with them in the future, and all the beloved traditions that they are no longer here to share with you.
The death of a loved one shows you pain and loss like no other. It was unfair, unexpected, and extremely hard to accept. And that makes you question if there's really anything worth moving on for. You will question why it had to happen even when your loved one was a pure soul. For a while, you won't find the answers or you might choose to shut your eyes to them because that anguish is the only thing that keeps you moving.
Life isn't the same without them and it never will be. You avoid their favorite restaurants and stop making the meals they loved. But as you learn to live without the presence of your loved one, you feel your entire life move like a blur. You struggle to get out of bed and get through your day. And yet, somehow the day whizzes past you but you don't know how.
When you see the armchair they always sat on, you can imagine them sitting there and giggling away. When you hear their favorite song on the radio, you hear their voice humming along. You smile at first, and then feel the pain of having lost them come rushing back. You think the worst is over, but you can't avoid the things that trigger the many memories they left you with.
You still remember feeling lost and alone when your loved one was taken away from you. But what came after that miserable feeling was a new kind of hope. The very things that you never understood start making sense now. The advice your loved one kept giving you, you finally understood. And you start living each day differently, in a way that would've made them proud.
It may be months after their death, but one day you will wake up and feel so much lighter. Death can shatter you into pieces and weaken you beyond comprehension. But it will only help put you back together to be stronger and tougher. While you may stop grieving, you know that the loss is always there at the back of your mind. It stays there quietly at the back, making you cherish what they left behind and pushing you on.