7 Ways To Get Your Partner To Actually Pay Attention And Listen To You

7 Ways To Get Your Partner To Actually Pay Attention And Listen To You

Accusing your partner is not what you want to do. When you truly love them, you focus on the issue rather than on your partner's limitations.

It's impossible to find a partner who is tailor-made to suit your idea of a soulmate. Just like you come with your own strengths and flaws, your partner comes with some of their own, too. More often than not, misunderstandings in a relationship arise because one person's intention to help or offer guidance is taken as as sign of criticism or interference. There can also be instances where a constructive discussion turns into an argument and you're simply left wondering how it got that bad.

It is not uncommon for people struggle with getting their partner to be on the same page as them, especially if the way you communicate with each other is different. But when you both are open with each other and ready for change, it's a hurdle that you both can overcome together. Here's what you can do about it.

1. Start with the conversation positively

No one wants to be part of a conversation that shows signs of going downhill or simply ending badly. If you are to broach a sensitive subject that might lead to a problem, it has to be with the intention of finding a solution. Start the conversation by saying something like "you never listen to me" is especially a big no-no,  Marianne J. Legato, who wrote for Prevention, suggests positively starting the conversation. Something she recommended to her client was saying "There's a recurring issue in our relationship that I believe we can fix together. I'd like to talk about the best way to handle it."

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2. Avoid blaming each other

A loving relationship is never about competing with each other and making the other person take all the blame or leaving them feeling guilty. Your aim isn't to put your partner down, it's to counter the problem together. "Rather than blame your partner for not listening, ask yourself if you can be a better communicator yourself first," sexologist Martha Tara Lee tells Elite Daily. When you try to improve your way of conversing with your partner but still find them not paying attention, talk things out in a healthy manner.

3. Be ready to lead the change

Show your partner that they are not alone in making the change, but you are willing to meet them halfway. Show them that you're willing to take ownership to improve things in the relationship. Lee suggested saying something like "I want us to try a few new things so we are better [at] communicating and have [fewer] misunderstandings. Is that OK?" Sometimes, it might just be a roadblock in the relationship that's making them pay less attention to you, but you finally making the effort to talk things out could clear the air.

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4. Talk to them when there are no distractions

You want your partner's full attention when discussing something crucial to your relationship. Therefore, don't try to have the talk with them when their mind would be distracted by the television or their phone. You can even suggest taking a walk in the park to have the conversation or even share your feelings over both of your favorite dinner or drink. 

5. Make sure you are showing comforting gestures 

You want to be gentle with them and showing your regular signs of intimate gestures would put your partner at ease so they're more open and receptive to what you have to say. Lightly touching their arm or making gentle eye contact can take off the heat in the conversations. These little gestures are also prompting them to pay more attention to what you're saying.

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6. Nudge them to pay more attention to what you're saying

When you're ending an important conversation, one thing you can do is ask your parter to repeat the point you made. This shows you whether they were actually paying attention. "Don’t pounce on them and blame or shame them," Lee suggested. "It takes time to be a good listener too! You do not want to alienate your partner, only to be more effective in communicating with them."

7. Give them the time they need 

When your partner is trying to do something about the problem, make sure that you are patient with them and giving them the time that they need to change. Through it all, let things remain positive in the relationship without criticizing your partner if they take longer than you think. As long as you both remember that you both are in it together, there's nothing you both can't overcome. 

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