From the grief, you picked yourself back up. But you know that you will never be the same person you were with your partner
The thing about death is that it may be the end of someone's life, but it's not the end of the relationship you had with them. Weeks, months, or even years may have passed since your partner's death, but it's still a memory that you cannot forget. You are no longer the same person you were before they passed away; while you may have tried your best to keep things together ever since that day, there are bits of you that have changed forever.
There was a feeling of safety and comfort that always surrounded you when your partner was still in your life. You'd wake up with a song in your head and you were grateful for each day you spent with them. But since the day of their death, there's a sense of heaviness in your heart that's always put a weight on you. You no longer feel excited like before, or just feel happy and content for no apparent reason. You go each day carrying a heavy weight inside you.
There are days of the year you dread so much; your wedding anniversary, their birthday, every Christmas — they become painful reminders of your permanent loss. While everyone around you is happy and excited, you find yourself longing for what you lost. Everything around you turns into a reminder of how you used to spend the holidays with them or how they would be the most excited person in the room when it was your birthday. Even weeks before these days come around, you already start dreading the rush of feelings that will engulf you.
Nothing can prepare you for times like this. So, you taught yourself how to hide your devastation in front of others, especially for your children and your loved ones. You can see them trying to make you happy and you force a smile for their sake. Nobody will truly understand what you're going through, especially on your bad days; those are the days where you put on a face for everyone around you, but behind closed doors, you give yourself a moment to break down when nobody is watching.
The most important lesson that death taught you was to never to take anyone or anything you love for granted. You've regretted each day you didn't say "I love you" to your partner or prioritized something else over them. And since the day they passed away, you learned that time spent caring for your loved ones is never time wasted. You have started cherishing every important relationship in your life, hoping to make up for the moments you lost with your partner.
Losing your partner can feel like you lost a part of you with them. There comes this feeling of emptiness that comes with their death, and no matter how much time has passed, you understood that nothing can replace the space they left. That loneliness is just something you've gotten used to; you know you will never get your old life back. And all you can do is push yourself to keep moving forward.
The day you lost your loved one forever was the day you realized how much your heart could love someone and how much you can miss them when they're gone. It's made you more compassionate and shown you how everyone has their own battles to fight. You've become more empathetic and better at sharing your pain with others while you listen to their own. While it may not be an answer to grief, it still makes your heart a little light. You hear yourself telling others how unpredictable life can be, and all you can do is take it one day at a time.