When you finally find the right one, you will forget all about the years that you waited for someone you don't have to settle for.
When someone says there's no "right age" to get married, there might be quite a few who would disagree. But anyone who said "I do" too soon or is raising children with someone whose parenting style is different from theirs would be nodding in agreement.
It's all about waiting for the right time and the right person rather than getting married because everyone around you is getting hitched. No matter how long it takes, it's better to wait for the right partner than learning to live with the wrong one. And here's why.
At the age of 20, you may have wanted someone who will make you feel like the most treasured person in their life. By 25, you were probably attracted to the ambitious and driven kind. And by 30, you just want someone kind and respectful.
"Although we may be able to drink and vote once we are 18 or 21, we are still learning about ourselves and who we are. So much of our growth and development takes place throughout our 20s... It can be very smart to avoid making those choices into legally binding commitments such as marriage," relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, told Bustle.
You are certainly not the same person you were five or ten years ago. As you grow older, you have stronger views on what you want in life and understand better as to how you want to be treated in a relationship. And having been with the wrong person has taught you to wait for someone who will treat you right. This will ensure that you don't have to settle for anything less or have to sacrifice your feelings or your desires for your partner. Instead of looking for someone who is similar to you, youy would rather be with someone who compliments your differences and is willing to make the same effort as you.
Sometimes, you might think that waiting is a waste of time. But in the time you wait, you're actually learning more about your likes and dislikes, and also, more about how romantic relationships work as you date people. "There’s always time to commit and get married, but doing it too soon and with too little experience under your belt can put you in a situation that’s difficult to undo later on," Hartstein said. So, time spent waiting is never time spent wasted.
During the time that you spent single, you have been able to see the difference between friends and family who sincerely care about you and the ones who mostly pretend to do so. You are fine if your social circle becomes smaller as long as it's also become tighter. And through the nights that you may have felt lonely or wished so badly that you were in a relationship or marriage, there were a select few people you could turn to, who reminded you why you chose to wait instead of walking down the aisle.
You're looking for reasons to fall in love with someone and commit to them, not a reason to not spend the rest of your life feeling lonely. "I know it can be very, very hard to find a partner, but settling for someone who treats you badly is not the answer," said Sara Eckel, author of It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single. Being able to say that you're married or being the exhausted parent to your kids won't make you happy. But getting to grow old with the right person and sharing parenthood with the right partner will make all the time you waited totally worth it.
Contrary to popular belief about the woes of singlehood, you are perfectly fine on your own and are loving the single life. "The single life isn’t a prison sentence nor is it a cocktail party," wrote Eckel. "It is simply a life—a life with responsibilities and rewards, good days and bad ones, successes, and failures."
You don't find anything daunting in being single. And you're waiting for that person who would never expect you change, but will love you for who you are for the rest of your life.