If you're thinking of breaking up with your partner and want to end things on a positive note, a clean break from them is what you need to reconnect with yourself.
Not all relationships work the same way, and not all relationships end the same way. You may be contemplating breaking up with your partner, and you know that even though the pain of breaking up is unavoidable, you'd like to minimize the hurt and turmoil both you and your partner experience as a result of your relationship ending. No matter how considerate you are of your partner's feelings, both of you will inevitably be hurting at the end of your relationship, and it's important to acknowledge this.
In order to be prepared to deal with the pain of ending a relationship, there a few steps you can take to ensure that the breakup is a clean start for both of you. You need to end things in a healthy way for both of your sakes, especially if you enjoyed a fairly happy relationship before things went downhill. Walking away from a relationship with no closure could mean there will always be a part of you left wondering what went wrong, or expecting accountability, or perhaps even blaming each other instead of parting ways amicably.
One way to ensure you move on with no unresolved issues or feelings is by implementing these tips.
Meeting someone to tell them in person that you want to end things communicates that you respect them and are considerate about their feelings. Everyone knows the sting of being rejected via text message or an e-mail because it feels like you're being discarded thoughtlessly by someone you loved and invested so much in. If you're afraid things might turn violent, meet them in public and have a few close friends in the area just in case. Otherwise, talk to them in a private, intimate setting so that you can have an uninterrupted conversation.
It's important to let your soon-to-be-former partner know why you've decided to end things with them, but don't turn this into a rant. Go into the conversation with a clear head and avoid making accusatory statements like "You were never there for me" or "You never put me first." Even if you feel strongly about your reasons, explain them to your partner in a non-accusatory way to avoid putting them on the defensive. Don't give them a list of everything that went wrong. Say things like "I didn't feel like I was a priority" or "I need to be with someone better suited to meeting my needs."
Your partner needs to know that the breakup is going to be hard on you, too, because you both may have envisioned a future together and now your hopes of a life with each other are crushed. Let them know that it will hurt to no longer have them in your life and that you will look back at the times you spent together with fondness. Remind them of the good impact they had on you and the things you learned from being with them so that they feel like something good did come out of the relationship, even if it didn't work out.
Your partner may not see the breakup coming, and they may be taken aback by the fact that you want to end things. It's only natural for them to fight for the relationship, especially if you were together for a long time. However, you need to remember that you were driven to this point for a reason, and the only reason you're breaking up is because you were finally convinced that things weren't working out. If you give them another chance, you will only end up prolonging your agony, so it's best to respect your decision and go through with the breakup.
You may feel like blaming your partner for all the issues that led to your breakup, but no one is ever solely responsible for issues in a relationship, unless you were with an abusive partner. Remember to take responsibility for your faults and flaws that led to the breakup, and don't paint yourself in a glowing light.
Whatever your conflicts were, you would want to appreciate the good in your partner, even as you're breaking up, and avoid feeling terrible about yourself or the time invested in the relationship. Your partner may have hurt you but that doesn't necessarily mean they're a terrible person. If you truly think they do not deserve any of that, you would want to walk away on a happier note for your own peace of mind.
When you break up with your partner, it can be tempting to continue to stay in touch and still rely on them for your emotional needs, but you need a clean break from them to truly move on. It's healthy for you to spend time away from each other, with no contact of any kind, otherwise you may find yourself trapped in an emotional limbo in your relationship with them. Give yourself a few weeks or months to get over your former partner before you even think of becoming friends with them so that you have enough time to resolve your feelings toward them.
As your relationship ends, you will experience a roller coaster of emotions. Instead of distracting yourself from them or trying to drown them out by keeping yourself busy, allow yourself to let them out so that you can better deal with them. Keep the people you love around you so that you can lean on them when things get too overwhelming for you, and take a break from everything if you find it hard to carry out your responsibilities. This is a difficult transition for you, so make sure you give yourself the time and space you need to grieve.