An emotional bond with your partner doesn't build overnight. It takes time and until you can trust them, it's best not to reveal certain things.
No matter how charming or charismatic a person seems in the beginning, you never truly know them until you both have had the time to ease into the relationship. Getting to know someone is like peeling the layers of your personality one by one, and only after you've build an emotional bond can you actually trust them with your deepest secrets. Intimacy cannot be built overnight and there are some things you should reserve telling your partner until you truly know that they will understand.
“People often make the mistake of disclosing too much too soon, and this can be disastrous for new relationships," said Kelly Campbell, PhD, associate professor of psychology and human development at California State University, according to MyDomaine. At the start of a relationship, you want your exchanges to be reciprocal and gradual, not one-sided and not too fast.”
Here's what you should wait to tell your partner until you can fully trust them.
The early stages of a relationship are all about getting to know each other the way they are, and it's best not to compare each other to previous partners or mention how an ex treated you at a particular point in the past. It can start clouding the way they see you or treat you. Moreover, your current partner can bring out a side of you that your ex might not have.
"Sometimes we are different versions of ourselves with different people,” love coach, Susan Winter told Business Insider. “There are people who bring out the best in us, and there are people who bring out the worst in us." And the person you are currently in a relationship doesn't need to know about the people you dated in the past until they've had a chance to get to know you better.
One of the most personal topics in a relationship is money. And talking to your partner about money is actually an important step in a relationship. For many, it's a step they would want to reserve until they know that they see a future with this individual. Until you know that you both are fully committed to each other and you are moving forward together, it's best to keep money matters off the table.
One of the most distressing things is having to explain yourself or your family relationships to someone who doesn't know you well enough or understand your perspective. While you might be building a connection with your new partner, you also have a certain level of trust between your family members that you need to maintain. And revealing family secrets to someone who might not keep them could be something you go on to regret later.
The only person who completely understands the choices you've made in your past is you alone. You might have had painful relationships in the past and it's best to take your time to figure out whether they are sensitive enough to understand the decisions you've made in the past. Moreover, if they are not the kind of partner who can empathize, they might even use things against you if you reveal too much to them too early into the relationship.
Just like you might have your own quirky habits and what some might consider flaws, your partner will naturally come with their own set, too. It's best not to talk about ideas of "the perfect partner" because only the right partner can bring out the perfection in you. Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics told Bustle, "Once you are able to forget that image of an ideal, you will be able to grow stronger, since you won’t be comparing and contrasting all the time."
Your fears, your insecurities, and the kind of things you only tell your closest friends are best kept away from your new partner until you know you can count on them no matter what. Shira Teichman, a dating coach said, "You can’t ‘fast-track’ emotional intimacy; relationships need to unfold in their own time and in their own way." When you have grown close enough with them to know that they will stick with you through your best and worst, that's when you know that they are in it for the long haul.
Disclaimer: This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.