They shut you out of the relationship and eventually, you get so tired of trying because no matter what you do they don't budge.
It may be that you and your partner still do the things you normally do, still sometimes go to the places you normally go to, but it feels like your relationship is running on autopilot. You can no longer tell what's on their mind or what they're feeling because they've slowly started shutting you out. You try to reach out to them but they manage to push you away. You can tell that your partner has emotionally checked out of the relationship when they've started saying these things more frequently.
Everybody goes through rough patches and it's perfectly fine for your partner to say this when they're exhausted. However, when it starts to feel more like an excuse than the truth, it shows how they are no longer making the effort to stay connected with you. "There really is no excuse if your partner does this more times than actually listen and give you their full attention," relationship coaches Diana and Todd Mitchem told Bustle. "If they cared and made your relationship a priority, they would make time for you."
It's healthy for you and your partner to get some alone time by yourself every now and then. But when you constantly hear your partner say this to avoid spending time with you, they might be willingly detaching themselves from the relationship. When they fail to take ownership of their responsibility and do not respect the commitment they made to you, they may start avoiding it completely rather than fight to make things work.
Whenever you try to talk to them about something important or let them know about your feelings, they immediately find ways to end the conversation. You may be ready to go the extra mile to fix what's broken in the relationship, but if your partner is unwilling to meet you halfway or steers clear of any kind of confrontation, you will eventually get tired of trying. There's only so much you can do when they try to stonewall you.
The moment your partner takes you for granted, they are likely to make promises that they will end up breaking. From little things like not texting you back to bigger things like agreeing to dinner with your parents but not showing up, they started telling you one thing and doing something completely different. For the time and effort that you put in, the least your partner can do is be honest with you, instead of dragging you along until you finally call them out.
At the end of every day, you sit across your partner and silently have dinner, wondering if they will ever make the effort to know what's going on in your life. When you suggest heading somewhere for the weekend together or doing something to rekindle the spark, they say, "not today" or "let's do it some other time" but that other time never comes around. It's the slow beginning of them growing emotionally distant from you.
If your partner was truly invested in the relationship, they would make your needs their needs and your problems would become their problems, too, because you would do the same for them. But when you ask them for help and they tell you to handle it on your own, it shows how you can't lean on them for support anymore. Seeing them be so callous when you're trying to deal with some difficult can make you feel painfully alone in the relationship.
It's never fair when your partner dismisses your feelings, especially when their emotional disconnect is the reason for it. When they see that their actions are hurting you but they still choose to ignore it, they are keeping you hanging in the relationship and not letting you move on. They give you just enough to show that they don't want to end the relationship but not enough to make you feel seen, heard, or loved in the way you should be.
You hate the feeling of being dejected when you see that your partner always has an excuse for everything. "They [don't] integrate you into their daily life or talk to you about their day or integrate you into their life in general," licensed clinical social worker Dr. Danielle Forshee told Elite Daily.
You deserve to be more than just an option in your partner's life. Being made to feel like an afterthought instead of a priority for your partner, where they show up only when it's convenient, isn't something you would want to put up with for long.