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If Your Marriage Has Survived These 5 Rough Patches, It Indicates Your Relationship Is Likely To Last Forever

If Your Marriage Has Survived These 5 Rough Patches, It Indicates Your Relationship Is Likely To Last Forever

From time immemorial, we have been conditioned to believe that matches are made in heaven but they will only last if you work on them together.

When things seem to go downhill in a marriage giving up looks like the easiest option, but marriages are difficult for everyone. A healthy marriage is a result of constant work on the relationship and oneself. Only when you have passed through some of the roughest patches and stuck by each other's side, you will really see the treasure and cherish it for life.

Here are some of the phases that couples face before they can finally find contentment in the marriage.

1. Hurtful criticism

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One can never truly tell how their partner will react to criticism in different situations. When a critique is too straightforward or seems like an attempt to demean, it can transform into a major problem, the traces of which can last a lifetime.

As Dr. John Gottman writes in his book The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, criticizing your partner in order to prove that they is always wrong can lead to them becoming defensive and more fixated on their argument. Using words that would come across as blaming will only worsen the situation and increase your differences. Phrases like "you always..." and "you never..." especially need to be avoided.

Instead of attacking their personality, try making a direct complaint that would help them understand your point.

2. Holding back or not communicating

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We have all gone through a phase in life when we feel that our partner is not ready to solve the problem, therefore, we resort to the option of not communicating at all. This might send a message to the partner that we do not care about the problem and just want to ignore them.

According to Gottman, 80% of men are likely to turn unresponsive or emotionally unavailable. It might for once, appear that they do not care about the problem or the relationship but they actually do but are not in a state to express anything. During such cases understand their need to have a space of their own and let them be.

3. Attraction to other people

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Being attracted to other people is a natural phenomenon and it does not mean that it will translate to cheating. According to BrightSide, 70% of women in relationships have admitted to having crushes.

In this case, it is important to be aware of your feeling and actions. Being momentarily attracted to another person should not detach you from your partner. Remember, there will always be temptations in life, but fidelity and trust are virtues for life.

4. Disrespect and frustration

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Disrespect for your partner is not only a sign of bitterness in you but also moral superiority. Showing appreciation and gratitude will not only make your partner feel more secure with you but also generates positivity in the relationship.

Having financial crises, issues with either of the families, insecurity, etc., is natural in a relationship. Sometimes all these factors come down together, it can reach a boiling point that could drive a wedge between your partner and you. At this point, all you can do is, leave! It is important to understand that the problem is temporary but your partner is for life. Therefore, there has to be a better way of dealing with outbursts which would solve the issue as well as deepen the connection.

5. Acceptance

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This is the phase where you understand that you are a team and it's you versus the problem and not a rivalry between the two of you. You accept your partner for who they are and try to solve life-issues together. You start to realize people are not perfect and that your partner is the best for you. You also realize that it's about sharing all the feeling with them - positive or negative and yet be together through it all.

References:

http://www.acouplesplace.com/Gottmans_Four_Horsemen_are_Divorce_Predictors.html

Disclaimer : The views expressed in this article belong to the writer and are not necessarily shared by lessonslearnedinlifeinc.