Here's a look at things to consider if you want a long-term, healthy relationship.
Dating isn't easy and especially in today's high-tech world, everyone's looking for instant gratification. People sometimes forget relationships take time and effort. Instant chemistry can sometimes fizzle out soon. And while falling in love is an incredible feeling, one therapist is sharing advice on how to keep your head clear when you think that you’ve fallen in love with someone. Jeff Guenther is the co-founder of TherapyDen, a space where people can find therapists for a wide variety of counseling needs. Guenther has decided to share 3 helpful tips on what to avoid when you think you've fallen in love with someone in a viral TikTok video that has over 3.1 million views. So what are they?
1. Don't fool yourself into thinking you're actually in love
When you're infatuated with someone, especially in the beginning, you look at them through rose-tinted glasses. Everything seems perfect. Isn't it easy to "love" anyone at this stage? You've got to see them for who they truly are, warts and all, to determining your real feelings for them, right? Guenther believes that true love happens when you've seen the person for who they are and you're willing to stick around even with their flaws. Some people give up so easily even after claiming to be in love and might even walk out after their first fight. "Once you see how dumb and annoying they are, and you still think that you're head over heels in love, then you're more likely actually in love," he says.
2. Don't move fast
Take it slow and steady and don't rush your feelings. You might want to spend every waking minute with this person and even want to text them 24/7 but it's important to have some space and dial it back a bit. Savor the good times but don't over-indulge. "See them up to two or three times during the week," Guenther suggests, adding, "Relationships start out hot and heavy, you have a tendency to crash and burn if you say 'f*ck it' and spend every day with them" He also says that if you’re feeling “anxious” about not seeing this person, it helps to “flip this feeling upside down” to feel good again when you meet them next.
3. Don't make any big decisions
When you start a relationship you're so giddy with emotion you might not really take time to process a decision logically. Especially a big decision. "You think you're in love, you think they're the one. And you decide to move in or quit school or follow their band," he says. "Please don't make big decisions at the start." If the other person is pushing you into making some big commitments right at the beginning, it should really be seen as a red flag, he warns.
It's understandable why the therapist's nuggets of wisdom have drawn in millions of people. Everyone wants a healthy relationship and sometimes it's not easy to find a person to share your life with. But perhaps if we start becoming more aware of patterns and behaviors we'll start learning how to make better choices for ourselves. Love is not just a feeling, it's also action... It's work. So instead of being overwhelmed by passion at the moment, let's learn to find love that speaks to our souls... for the long run.
Check out Jeff Guenther's full video below: