Arguments and conflicts are good for relationships only if you can handle it in the right way. The way your partner handles these arguments says a lot about their personality.
An argument or a fight has the ability to build a relationship however it can also break the relationship depending on the way you handle it. "Arguments can even elevate relationships if they’re handled with tenderness and kindness. When people feel less understood by their partner after an argument, they feel less happiness, but people who feel more understood by their partner don’t feel that happiness dip," says Holly Parker, Ph.D., author of If We're Together, Why Do I Feel So Alone? Therefore, the way you deal with arguments can reveal a lot about the relationship you have with your partner and its future.
"If you confront upsetting issues in a real but kind way that takes you and your partner’s feelings into account, this creates far less weirdness than a drag-out fight in which two people are yelling at each other and trading snips, resentments, and insults," says Parker. Here are a few ways couples handle their arguments and what it reveals about their personality
Partners who have an argument or fight over one particularly difficult issue and fail to resolve it may be going around in circles. Instead, they continue accusing each other repeatedly without solving the current problem. They might not be raising their voices or screaming at each other but would continuously point fingers at each other sometimes recalling things from the past. "Most triggers are about the past, and so they connect to fears of the future," zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva.
Your partner may not be convinced with certain things in the past or may simply be putting you in a vulnerable situation to win the argument. “When one partner is especially thin-skinned, anxious, guilt-ridden or just can never admit they’re wrong, they may employ a variety of methods designed to put the other person on the defensive,” says marriage and family therapist Amy Begel. This kind of conflicts can quickly escalate to another level causing major trouble in the relationship.
No matter how intense the problem is, your partner chooses to remain silent. They keep to themselves and keep away from putting forward their thoughts about the argument. This kind of response can lead to severe problems in the relationship in the future, "...the non-verbalization and suppression of your feelings will—over time—result in substantial resentment, with the accompanying behavior that we might expect. If you don’t share your problematic feelings, there is a great probability that you’ll act out on them in any number of unrelated ways," said Mel Schwartz to Psychology Today.
They might be using their silence to control the situation or even punish you. But refusing to talk about it can negatively affect the relationship. "By withdrawing from the relationship, silence becomes a medium for anger, also obstructing the opportunity for resolution. In such cases, silence is employed to control the other’s behavior," said Schwartz. However, in some cases, they might be waiting for you to calm down while listening to the arguments you are making.
Every argument you have with your partner often ends in them screaming and yelling at you. Though you might be trying to solving it in a peaceful way, your partner seems unable to do so without raising their voice. "I always joke with my clients that the percentage of people who think screaming works as communication is about 100 percent, whereas the percentage of people who have ever changed from being screamed at is 0," said David Bennett, certified counselor and relationship expert with Double Trust Dating.
Your partner may be thinking it could solve the issue but experts claim that it can only provoke the other person to respond in a similar manner. "Screaming and yelling don’t work, and only serve to provoke an even stronger emotional reaction from both partners during an argument," said Bennett. Your partner may induce fear consciously or unconsciously by doing this.
This is the best approach to any argument. If your partner shows the willingness to listen and to understand the situation, it will resolve most conflicts within no time. Instead of throwing insults at each other and wasting time pointing at past events, they make sure they know what is really bothering you. Your partner is making sure that your concerns are addressed and so it will help in building a healthy relationship. “well, I’m listening, so you should feel heard,” is a great approach to solving an argument says Deborah Grody, a clinical psychologist. If your partner takes the effort it shows that he respects the relationship and wants to be with you.