You dread each time they start making the move in the bedroom but you can't accept that there's something wrong with your sexual chemistry.
In a relationship, years down the line, the passion you felt during the honeymoon phase or memories of the first few romantic dates is not what will keep you and your partner together. What keeps you both happy in the relationship is the intimate connection you feel, both physical and emotional. When there's no sexual chemistry between you and your partner, you might think that it's something you can get over. But eventually, resentment and dissatisfaction might build up and the feeling of belonging you feel with your partner might wear off.
If you relate to the following, it is a sign that you and your partner are not compatible sexually.
When you often hear yourself saying "I'm too tired" or "I have to sleep early tonight", you are probably just making up excuses to get out of something you are not comfortable with. Ideally, you should be able to talk to your partner about not enjoying sex rather than give reasons to avoid being intimate because “You have to cultivate sexual compatibility — it’s not something you find," explained Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, sexologist and relationship expert, according to Elite Daily. But despite repeated attempts, it could be worrying if you and your partner are not able to make things work.
Being physically intimate should never feel like an obligation. You care about your partner and may not want to hurt their feelings, so you go along with it. "If sex is starting to feel monotonous it may be a sign that the relationship is becoming a routine," Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW told Bustle. "...it may be a sign that there is a lack of trust in the relationship, and sex without intimacy may be reflective that your relationship is also lacking in intimacy, not only physically but emotionally as well."
There could be an emotional block that's stopping you from being fully comfortable with your partner in bed, and it slowly builds up your sexual dissatisfaction. However, it's worse when you feel the need to fake it rather than let your partner know the real deal. Hershenson said, "If one of you is faking it in bed, it could be a sign of lack of trust and a breakdown in communication. You should feel comfortable to express your needs not only in bed but in all matters."
You might be someone who's concerned about your partner's needs and you're always attentive to whether they are positively responding to you when you're being physically intimate. But not getting the same in return could show the imbalance in your compatibility. Moreover, if you're always the person giving while your partner is always taking, the dynamics in your relationship might be the same even outside the bedroom.
The sexual compatibility you share with your partner has a lot to do with having similar preferences, desires, and dislikes in the bedroom, explained Kristen Mark, a sex and relationships researcher for Psychology Today. Mark continued, "Another form of sexual compatibility is the extent to which similarities exist between actual turn ons and turn offs for each partner emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally."
When you and your partner are on completely different pages in the bedroom, it puts a strain on how you choose to pleasure each other.
"One sign you and your partner may not be compatible is if you have different libidos and extremely different sexual needs," said relationship coach Nina Rubin. It's normal for you both to have different sex drives but when you and your partner fail to find ways to satisfy each other, it could be difficult to find the right rhythm. Pretty soon, the dissatisfaction can creep into other aspects of your relationship as well.
If your mind is always wandering to the grocery list or you're planning the chores for the next day, or perhaps even fantasizing about a completely different person during intercourse, it could be a sign that you're not sexually compatible with your partner. When your partner is making the move and you're not in the moment, you might be in the wrong relationship because you don't feel connected enough with your partner or they are not doing enough to get your full attention.