You and your partner start alienating each other and growing distant if you can't talk about these issues.
When you're comfortable and connected with your partner, you wouldn't find it hard to talk about anything with them, even sex. If you're unable to talk about physical intimacy with each other, it can come in the way of you and your partner, wedging a gap between both of you and pulling you both apart. If you both avoid, ignore, or are uncomfortable talking about it, it hampers your happiness in the relationship and maybe even lead to a broken marriage.
Joseph Grenny, social scientist and co-author of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, pointed out that couples who are comfortable talking about sex are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship. "A handful of conversations make the biggest difference in the strength and duration of a relationship," he said, according to Woman's Day. "Talking about sexual intimacy tops that small list."
If you can't have conversations about the following with your partner, your relationship could be at risk.
This can be something that causes a lot of dissatisfaction in the relationship, if you both avoid talking about it.
"Many couples suffer in silence needlessly because they refuse to discuss the problem. Sometimes the solution is simple and straightforward," wrote Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey for bodyandsoul.com.au. "And even if it’s not, as a couple it’s often better to tackle it as a team, than leave it as the Great Unsaid in the bedroom."
It's only when you don't talk about it that it grows into a huge issue and makes you or your partner unhappy. With the right guidance and some reconditioning, it's an issue that can possibly be solved.
ED is the most common sexual issue that men report, according to the Urology Care Foundation. And yet, it is something that people find awkward to talk about. "If you're in a relationship, erectile dysfunction isn't just happening to the man -- it's happening to the couple," said Barry McCarthy Ph.D., author of Coping with Erectile Dysfunction, according to WebMD.
It's important for you both to be able to talk about it and also let each other know that ED is not the end of your sex life. It's more of a roadblock that can be crossed if you both are relaxed about it and can openly talk about it. However, when you both refuse to talk about it or start blaming each other, it can hamper the relationship.
It's a dangerous sign if you feel uncomfortable telling your partner that you're in pain. Sometimes, you may endure it keeping their satisfaction in mind. However, you shouldn't put yourself in pain or severe discomfort for it.
"When these functional problems end up being blamed for all the sexual problems ― and sometimes, problems in the relationship in general ― it blocks the couples ability to discuss their sexual and emotional needs," said sex therapist, Celeste Hirschman, according to HuffPost. "Couples need to see beyond the dysfunction and look at the dynamic that’s been created around it, like fear of being undesirable or blaming the other person for everything."
Libido is the sexual drive and desires that you have. Naturally, you and your partner might not have the same sex drive or it may constantly fluctuate; sometimes you might feel like doing it often while sometimes you might rarely feel like doing it. But without letting your partner know what's going on, it's unlikely that you both will be able to address each other's needs whilst being intimate.
Moreover, if you tell your partner that you're currently feeling a low sexual drive, it's important that your partner is empathetic about it and is ready to talk about it with you. "...that person needs to be even more empathetic and attuned to their partner’s needs and frustrations," sex and intimacy coach, and author, Xanet Pailet told SheKnows.
If your partner is not able to do this for you, it could be that they're selfishly looking at your own needs and has no concern about what you might be feeling.
A loving relationship where you both are understanding towards each other would mean that you both are comfortable enough to share what your interests might be. But if your partner starts judging you or completely rejects all your ideas without even considering them or giving it a thought, it shows that they are not flexible when it comes to your needs.
"...Everything is negotiable, even in the bedroom,” said Ava Cadell, a sex therapist and author of NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex. “If one partner enjoys BDSM and the other is not that into it but wants something else, I recommend they each share three romantic fantasies and make one a reality for the other.”
When you notice that you and your partner are not having sex like before or you have stopped having sex completely, it can divide you both. When you don't have any physical intimacy anymore or you're only physically intimate with your partner less than 10 times a year, therapists call it a sexless relationship. And this can slowly destroy things between you both.
"Partners end up alienating each other on a very deep, very primal and sometimes emotional level,” said Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist. “Very frequently the couple not only avoids sex, but the discussion of the problem itself. That only leads to a further sense of isolation and loneliness for the partners.”