"I hired security for the funeral and church service. Long story short, my father and his new wife showed up."
No matter how many years pass, some wounds run so deep that no amount of time can heal them.
10 years after this person found out that their father was cheating on their mother, there was still pent-up resentment that still remained even after their mother passed away.
Sharing the story on Reddit under the username, Neither-Meet, the person wrote, "My parents divorced ten years ago, my father initiated it. He was seeing someone else and wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side. I neither am for or against his reasoning but I was against how he treated my mother after they finalized their separation. One key event that stands out is in deliberating how assets (or rather, debt) was divided, my father promised my mother that he'd still around, still be in her life, even be friends, and see if they could rekindle their marriage, but only if my mother took every penny of debt. My mother was naive to agree to it, because once the divorce was finalized, my father was on a plane in a matter of days, off to live his new life. It should be obvious that none of us were happy with my father, and I've been no contact the entire time."
Talking about how the person found out about their father's affair, the user wrote, "I was the one who knew about the affair because my father left his e-mail open at home when he went off to work, and me being an immature teen decided to snoop. In them, his mistress-now-wife tried to convince him of fantasy things my mother did and tried to turn him against her. Things like she would ask my dad something my mother did to him that was maybe insignificant at the time and twisted it around so it became a bigger deal."
The user mentioned that at the time of the divorce, a number of relatives on the mother's side even blamed her for their separation and "actively stayed in touch with my father."
"Imagine that, my mother's family took my father's side in all of this," the user said.
About a decade after the divorce, their mother passed away and the user, who was in charge of the funeral, said, "I also knew there would be a nonzero chance my father would show up, and if he did, it would not be to pay his respects. So I hired security for the funeral and church service. Long story short, my father and his new wife showed up. They were barred entry. One of my aunts got very upset and caused a scene and let slip her daughter, my cousin, invited him. So I had security escort my cousin out of the funeral, too. This event has caused a rift between families, or at least embiggened the one already there. A few of my aunts and a lot of my cousin think I went overboard, some even removing me from Facebook."
The user also wrote, "I'm still no contact with my father (who flew out for the funeral)."
The user asked whether it was wrong to bar their father from the funeral, to which people shared a number of opinions.
A user going by the name worm600 wrote, "Your dad obviously sucks for his past behavior towards his mother. But I don’t think you considered the ramifications of having security at a funeral and the impact on other guests. Funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for the living, and paying your respects under guard - or watching someone get throw out while doing so - is awkward and uncomfortable at best, deeply unpleasant at worst."
DontUseThisUsername mentioned that the funeral "was for everyone that needed to mourn. Other family members clearly view the situation differently so it's very possible there's more to the story, especially since OP hasn't talked to his dad to ask. A funeral isn't the time or place to get a bit of revenge, regardless. Contacting him earlier would have been nicer for everyone."
The people who came to the defense of the Reddit user included, AQualityKoalaTeacher, who said, "He doesn't get to treat her like crap while she's alive, only to pretend he cared about her once she has passed. For people like this, "Paying respects" equals to "Making the other person's death all about me and doing a victory lap because I'm the last one standing."
Socialminefield said, "Your Mum's funeral is not a playground for family drama llamas, and you did well by hiring people instead of trying to handle it yourself."