Even words like "I don't know how to live without you" sound romantic but reflects an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.
Once the hurtful words are spoken, the damage cannot be undone. Every relationship is bound to have arguments; what could be worrying is what you say to each other when you have them. If your partner doesn't stop themselves from saying these things that are uncalled for, it could be slowly destroying your connection with each other and jeopardizing your relationship.
No matter how enraged your partner is, seeing that they compare you with others will only feel like it's dragging you down. "Even if you think you're trying to help, this can dig deep and leave a wound that you may not be able to mend," said Jeanie Winstrom, a couples' therapist at Talkspace, according to Redbook.
This is like a way for your partner to put you on trial and prove your love. "This is a passive-aggressive way to communicate your needs," said Andrea Syrtash, a relationship expert and author, according to Reader's Digest. Ideally, your partner should request you to do something or say how it would make them feel if you did it, rather than force you into it through pressure.
When your partner starts name-calling or attacking your character, they are forgetting that the point of a healthy argument is to attack the issue and not you. "No problem solving can occur when it is your partner’s character that is attacked versus their actions," Dr. Helen Odessky, a licensed clinical psychologist and author, told Bustle.
Seeing your partner quickly jump to this as a solution to your problem shows how they're "not truly committed to the marriage lasting forever," said Tracey Steinberg, a Dateologist and author, to Reader's Digest. You start doubting whether they are truly invested in making things work and cracks start to form in your trust in them.
A partner who values you and is able to give you respect wouldn't use harsh words that would make you question your worth. "Making someone feel worthless is harmful as it cuts to the core value of a person. It's emotionally and spiritually violent, and it chips away at a person's self-worth," said Natasha Sandy, a counselor, and therapist at You Matter, to Redbook.
Whatever emotion you feel, there's a reason behind it and your partner shouldn't make you feel bad about feeling a certain way. "Any statement that invalidates your partner's feelings is hurtful," said Darylevuanie Johnson, a relationship expert, and licensed psychotherapist, to Redbook. "Telling your partner they are overreacting is dismissive and signifies their emotions aren't important."
Your partner shouldn't turn an argument into a competition where they have to prove they are right and belittle you in the process. "This type of comment does nothing to remedy the situation at hand," said Stacey Laura Lloyd, the Dating Expert for about.com, as quoted by Reader's Digest. You and your partner should never forget that you make a team together and nobody should be keeping score.
Your partner is meant to be your biggest source of support. But instead, if they take on the role of being the harshest critic in your life, it's your self-esteem that starts tearing apart. “Supporting your partner is an essential part of a happy, healthy, and successful relationship,” said Antonia Hall, a psychologist, relationship expert, and author, to Reader's Digest. And you deserve to get the same support from your partner that you give them.
As 'oh-so-in-love' as it sounds, this could reflect something more unhealthy than romantic. "...it's a danger zone, signifying unhealthy attachment. It's not loving but clingy and desperate," said Darylevuanie Johnson. to Redbook. "You want to be in love, not in a co-dependent relationship." It's important for your partner to respect the distinction between 'me' and 'we' in the relationship.