Hannah Toohill did not want her newborn to go through the pain of detachment. She believed staying away from him was better for his future.
The bond between a mother and her child starts way before the actual birth of the baby. It goes on to become the strongest connection as they take their first steps and then go on to venture out into the world. It is undeniable that there is nothing greater than this connection and love. No mother would want to give it up but sometimes the unexpected events may force a person to do what their heart does not really want. A mother from Scotland went through such a situation.
According to Daily Mail, Hannah Toohill experienced severe chest pain and back pain just four months into her pregnancy. The expecting mother, however, went into labor 11 weeks early even when she suffered intense pain. Though she was unable to walk, the birth of her son, Fraser made her happy. But her happiness was short-lived. Just three weeks later, the 29-year-old was given news that made her take a difficult choice.
She was diagnosed with an incurable form of blood cancer called multiple myeloma. "When I was first diagnosed, I couldn’t get my head around the fact the type of cancer I had was incurable," recalled the mother.
Knowing the gravity of her illness, she made up her mind to take the most difficult decision of her life. She decided not to bond with her newborn because she thought it was the best thing for him "not to know the mother he would eventually lose."
"I loved Fraser so much, I wanted to be with him. But I didn’t want to bond with him because I thought that if I was going to die, then it would kinder on him if he hadn’t got to know me," said the mother.
She started her treatments and underwent four months of chemotherapy. She even underwent a stem cell transplant. However, she never saw Fraser during the time.
Believing she was doing the best for her son, the mother of two distanced herself from her newborn. However, she spent time with her elder daughter Catherine. “I thought the right thing was to spend time with my daughter Catherine, who knew me already and would have memories with me. So while my husband spent time with Fraser every day, I hardly ever went to the hospital to visit him," said Hannah.
But as days went by, she realized her treatment was working. "My mindset only started to change when I realized the treatment I was receiving was working and I was actually doing OK," said Hannah. She realized she wanted to have a relationship with her boy too. "Now I can’t get enough of Fraser – we have such a wonderful relationship. He’s such a mummy’s boy,” said the 29-year-old.
One year in remission, she is both mentally and emotionally stronger. Though she knows there is a possibility of cancer coming back, she has decided not to base her life on her fears. “It could be in six months or in six years – there is no way to predict. I just have to hope that, in the meantime, scientists will find a cure. I don’t waste a lot of time thinking about my illness – it doesn’t often cross my mind that I have cancer. Instead, I’m enjoying living my life, doing as much with my children as I possibly can. I know how precious life is and I don’t intend to waste a minute,” said the woman, to Mirror.
She expressed her gratitude to her family, friends and medical staff who took care of her newborn while she struggled with her illness. "I’ve learned you can live life even when you are diagnosed with a cancer that currently has no cure. My advice to others is keep positive,” said the mother.