The 31-year-old mom, who is pregnant with her second child, received mixed reactions for her candor.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on July 19, 2021. It has since been updated.
A 31-year-old career-driven mother was mom-shamed for admitting that she didn't enjoy being pregnant and that the baby stage was tough on her. User Ambivalent_Mom12 questioned if she was in the wrong in the AITA thread on Reddit. She already is a mom to a son who’s one-and-a-half years old, and is now pregnant with her second child. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and will love the new baby too but I really have no interest in staying home with my children,” she shared. While her husband is not a stay-at-home dad ( they have a nanny), he agreed to be the one to "take time off if/when kids are sick, do homework with them, etc." according to the mother. When people she knew found out that she did not want to stay at home with her kids, they were shocked and immediately suggested something was wrong with her. Either she needed therapy or she was a cruel mother who did not really love her children.
In her post, she elaborated that at a social gathering, she was frowned upon for her views, especially by someone called "Amy". She wrote: I found myself out on the deck with most of the other wives, including Amy. They started asking me how I was feeling. Then Amy (no kids) started commenting about how wonderful it is to be a mom and be pregnant. I didn’t really say much while some of the other mothers agreed. Amy then turns to me and asked if I disagreed with her. I said that I honestly do not enjoy being pregnant and the baby stage is tough and while I am happy to have another baby I am not really looking forward to taking time off and being stuck at home.
The other women were mortified and quickly began making assumptions. The mom continued: Some of the other women started to say that I must have PPD (Postpartum depression) bc I “don’t love” my children and that I should take some time off and get into therapy because I “won’t be any good to my children if I am depressed.” I told them not to worry that I was perfectly fine and I didn’t need to love pregnancy or the baby stage to be a good parent. I said getting back to work after the baby is born will help. These women were horrified and Amy started crying because she has struggled with infertility and there is no justice since "people like me" get to have 2 kids while she has none. I told her I was sorry about her struggle and I did not mean to offend her but was just speaking honestly about motherhood. Well, word got back to my in-laws (one of the guests is my husband's cousin and wife) and all hell has broken loose. They are horrified that I do not plan to take more than a few weeks off and that I am "forcing my husband" to do most of the childcare. They are now convinced that I have PPD. They also think that saying what I said at the party makes me TA. I feel like I was asked a question and gave an honest answer.
Redditors were quick to chime in, with most in support of the mom. One user shared:NTA - Loving your children and loving being pregnant are two different things!! Don't listen to them, they are not in your marriage. Do what works for YOUR family. Another added: As a woman who DESPERATELY tried for years (over 10 years) for a child NTA. You can hate being pregnant and the baby stage and that doesn't make you a bad mom.