"She told me she does want me to have this experience, but she is sad because she thinks my parents purposefully exclude her."
Dealing with one's significant other's parent can be extremely challenging, especially given that one might feel excluded amid the deep bond that the significant other shares with their parent. A man recently went onto Reddit's popular subreddit AITA, to ask if he'd done anything wrong by excluding his wife from a trip his family had planned. The user, u/throwawayl8rbye, shared in a post on the subreddit, "Recently my parents surprised me and my siblings, who are 16 and 19, with a ski trip this December the day after Christmas. my parents offered to pay for my expenses and said that my wife, 24, was welcome to come, but she would need to pay her way."
The user went on to give more details, adding that they and their family "grew up dirt poor" and that they could pay for his wife, but "they have always been this way when it comes to paying for things for me versus my wife". The user also shared that they have always done this, and it has always bothered their wife. "My parents think it's only fair to pay for me when we go out to eat or go on trips because they are still paying for my siblings. I don't ask them too, but it is nice to save money so on every trip they will pay my way(room and board, excursions, meals) while my wife was expected to pay her way. This started before we were married."
"This has always bothered my wife especially after we got married." The user went on to add that "this is a once and a lifetime trip for me" but their wife is "very upset and hurt". The user added, "She wants to go on the trip, but like I said we just can't afford it, which she understands. She told me she does want me to have this experience, but she is sad because she thinks my parents purposefully exclude her."
The user concluded the post by asking everyone for their opinion, "AITA for choosing to go on the trip and leave her behind? I still have time to cancel on my parents, but I know they would be sad."
The comments were mostly unanimous, all agreeing that the husband is wrong in this case, adding that he should stand up to his parents for his wife if he, too, feels like this really is a pattern with them. User u/prairiemountainzen shared, "But if she’s the only one having to pay them back, when the parents are so financially comfortable that they don’t even need her to, then they are still going out of their way to exclude her. OP needs to stand up for his wife and draw a boundary with his parents: if they won’t include her in family events/trips, then he won’t be participating either."
Another user, u/MrsCoach added, "God, I'm thinking about how awkward/rude it is to eat out with OP's fam with the wife there. They pay for OP and use the excuse that it's 'fair' because they pay for his siblings too, does the wife just have to get out her wallet, or what? This is SO intentional and SO rude and nasty. OP, if you see this, you are a HUGE a*****e and actively participating in your parents' campaign to let everyone know your wife is not considered part of the family. YTA and I feel terrible for your wife."
Cover Image Source: Getty Images | skynesher