I'm done letting you play with my feelings and toy with my heart. If you find it hard to commit, I'll make your decision easier by walking out of an unsteady relationship.
Walking out of our relationship isn't easy. I gave you my undivided attention for so long; I put my heart and soul into making things work between us. To throw all of that away isn't easy at all.
But I know better than to hold onto something broken and let the pieces hurt me.
I don't expect perfection in a relationship and I'm strong enough to admit that I'm not perfect either. But what I do expect is for someone to put in the same effort as I do. For so long, I've been patiently waiting. And all I saw was watching you waste the second chance I had given you. But this time, I'm giving myself a second chance. A second chance to find the same connection we had, but with someone who knows how to value it. And the only way for me to do that is by leaving the relationship where I feel disrespected.
When I make the effort to listen to what you have to say and understand things from your perspective, I deserve the same effort and patience from your end. Each time you played with my feelings, each time you toyed with my heart, it only showed me that you're exactly the kind of person who stays for the convenient bits of a relationship and disappears the moment things get tough.
It took me long to realize that it's not the rosy words and promises that cement a relationship, it's the actions. And not once did you do something that showed me I could trust you. I deserve someone I can depend on, someone I can count on to show up when they promise to, someone who will make me a priority rather than a choice.
I've decided to look out for myself and that includes finding the courage and strength to finally say "No" to you. I've been used and betrayed enough in the past to know that putting in energy into a manipulative relationship comes with having to sacrifice my needs and desires constantly. But this time, I'm going to choose my own growth over your insensitivity.
I'm tired of partners trying to change me to suit their own twisted definitions of the ideal partner. I'm making sure that my next relationship is going to be one where I feel loved and appreciated for who I am, the same way I'm willing to appreciate my partner with all the strengths and quirks they are bound to have. The same way you should have appreciated the one you were in a relationship with.
When I finally give my heart away to someone, I'm going to make sure that it is to a person who will equally give me as much as I give them. I want someone whom I can picture a happy future with, rather than walk around on eggshells wondering when the next argument will be about.
What I'm most tired of is seeing my relationships turn into a source of stress and anxiety rather than a source of comfort and warmth. Seeing you not give me a wholehearted commitment and dragging me back and forth while you remained indecisive was incredibly traumatic to my emotional wellbeing. But I'm now going to focus on my own life now and wait for that one person who is finally willing to share the burdens of a relationship with.
I don't care how long it takes to find that person because I know the wait will be worth it. And if there are lonely nights along the way, so be it. Being in an emotionally crushing relationship brought out the true strength I had within. I finally told myself "I deserve better" and that was the first step to moving towards something better.
I don't mind us making mistakes in the relationship; at least we will be understanding of each other through it all. Of course, we're both human and we're not always going to get it right. But when we both are willing to try, there's nothing that we can't overcome to make it through together.
But if you aren't willing to do this, I'm absolutely happy and complete on my own. And when the right person comes along, I know that hand in hand, we'll walk into our future together.