All This Time I Thought I Was Messed Up But I Realized Your Narcissism Made Me This Way

All This Time I Thought I Was Messed Up But I Realized Your Narcissism Made Me This Way

I was fine before I met you. Now, I feel like a shell of myself but I figured out that it was you who slowly crushed me.

We were supposed to be happy and in the beginning, we were. We would laugh together, do silly things together, talk about everything under the sun and just be comfortable with each other... or so I thought. Slowly I started to feel like I was just a mess. I kept thinking it was something that I was doing to myself. But for some reason, I took a step back and saw that it wasn't me... it was you doing this to me.  

1. I was "sensitive" but that was just you dismissing my feelings


Every time you called me overly sensitive, I thought that something was wrong with me. Was I truly being too emotional about something small? Was I becoming what I never thought I would become - clingy, needy? I started to believe it until I realized that my feelings were valid... you just dismissed and belittled them. You made me feel like it was wrong to get so worked about a mistake that you made. Every time I tried to talk to you, you shut me out. Yet you never failed to make me feel stupid for expressing my emotions. 

2. You made me feel guilty for things I didn't do 

It was my choice to do or not do certain things but when you didn't like it, you made me feel guilty about it. Whether it was going out with my friends or doing something I loved, you tricked me into thinking that I was meant to feel guilty for not being with you. After that, I just couldn't stop feeling that way and I ended up making excuses in your defense everywhere I went. 

3. Every time something when wrong, you made it out to be my fault


It was like I was the only person you wanted to blame. You blamed me for my mistakes but you also blamed me for yours. You never took responsibility for your actions and I ended up believing that I was genuinely stupid. You made me out to be an irresponsible, unworthy imbecile and didn't hesitate to say that to others. And I fell for it.

4. When I wanted to focus on myself, you called me selfish

At some point, I needed time away from you. But you didn't even allow me that peace. Every time I wanted to be on my own, you told me I was inconsiderate to your feelings and selfish for leaving you out of things. Yet you expected me to give you that space for yourself. We ended up being together all the time, at your convenience. I let the relationships with my loved ones crumble so that I could be with you. 

5. You made me feel lost when you kept love bombing me


Hot and cold. That's all I ever got from you. One minute you're making me feel like the most adored person in your life and then the next, you drop me as if I am nothing but a piece of paper. You're so unpredictable and it's confusing me. I never know when you're going to shower me with love or hurt me with words that pierce. I'm so lost and it's because you do this to me all the time. 

6. You always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for you

Nothing was ever enough. I could've found a cure for cancer and you still would've found something wrong with me. I made mistakes which you loved to pick at and make me feel like I could do nothing right. Not to mention, you always put yourself on a pedestal and expected me to follow your lead as if I was a mindless slave. Shame on me for starting to believe it. 

You may have broken me and I may not have realized it. But my pain has shown me that you don't have any more power over me. I deserve better.