The woman now feels guilty for standing up for herself.
Moms today are probably under pressure a lot more because there's just so much information out there on how to parent the best way possible. Do you stick to tradition? Do you look into modern techniques? It seems everyone wants to have a say in how you take care of your babies, but at the end of the day only you know what's best. What if your partner is not on the same boat as you? One mom felt conflicted when her husband shamed her for choosing formula over breastfeeding. Sometimes breastfeeding can be a painful experience so shouldn't it be up to the mom to decide?
She took to the AITA Reddit thread explaining her story: I F29 gave birth to my son few weeks ago. My husband's been super involved throughout my pregnancy and is continuing his support. However, few months ago, we were discussing breastfeeding and he said breastfeeding should be our go to method to provide our son with all the nutrition he needs. Given my medical history, breastfeeding was possible but we couldn't know for sure til I tried it. And it hurt like hell, absolute hell. Everytime I tried to breastfeed I'd experience pain and discomfort. I tried following different ways to make it easier for me but I still got unpleasent feeling. I decided to switch to formula. My husband thought I made a hasty decision by going with formula. He's done a lot of research on the benefits of breastfeeding and said that not getting breastfed would affect our son's health and impact his growth and set him up for health issues in the future. I explained my reasons but he kept bringing it up all the time.
The husband seemed to not be able to let it go and kept shooting judgemental looks at the new mom when she was feeding their son formula. "He said he thought I chose formula way too soon and didn't try hard enough to keep breast feed and as a result I've "given up" on an opportunity to bond with our son. I was getting annoyed because it seemed like he keeps forgetting why I chose formula but his response was that whatever discomfort I was experiencing, I was being selfish thinking about stuff short term and not realizing how lack of breastfeeding could affect our son in the future. Basically saying I chose my comfort over our son's health," she wrote.
This was the last straw. She fired back saying "no matter how much he reads online about this subject, I'm the one going through this experience and the pain and discomfort. And said that he should respect my choice to use formula and stop acting like this decision was made out lack of care or consideration for our son. And if he's worried formula is expensive then it is what it is because If I can't be healthy then our son can't either." She also added that "it didn't seem like he was sharing his opinion but more like guiltripping, since he does this on the regular. He said " That's not true and you know it! I'm not even mad or anything I'm just disappointed that you chose this route, that's all". This set the tone for the rest of the night. He got out of bed, grabbed his phone and walked out. I felt genuinely bad because the way I look at it, He was just expressing his thoughts and I was so fast to shut him down and treat him as if he isn't the parent and gets equal say. AITA! Am I being selfish?"
Redditors were quick to respond assuring the mom that she was not in the wrong. One person wrote: FED is best. If breastmilk is so very important to him, there are medical interventions that he can undergo to stimulate his own lactation so that he can breastfeed. It would be selfish of him not to, really, seeing as this is painful and damaging to you and you’ve already used your body to grow and birth this baby. Another added: "I'm sorry you got all mad because I was just stating a fact. But I think that as a parent I'm allowed to at least express my thoughts and concerns about what's been going on" He stated his "facts" and expressed his thoughts and concerns weeks ago. Now he's trying to pressure you to cave in to the decision that HE has made. He gets "equal say" over things that impact the two of you equally. He does NOT get to make decisions about YOUR body. There are hormones he could take so that HE could breastfeed. He should consider that. He needs to put his money where his nipples are or STFU. NTA.