The 22-year-old took up two jobs and gave up his dream of going to medical school.
Sometimes the death of your beloved one can evoke emotions that cannot be easily comprehended. One man took to Reddit to open up about how the grief of losing his wife during childbirth turned into resentment towards his newborn. The post which has now been deleted revealed that the young father could not stand his own child.
The 22-year-old dad told readers that he got married at the age of 19. The man went on to say that his marriage was wonderful and that the day of his wedding was one of the happiest day of his life, according to Cafe Mom.
However, while they were in their second year of marriage, they were surprised by an unexpected pregnancy. It was a very difficult period for the young couple. "She was constantly nauseous and sick." recalled the husband.
Nine months went by and the day of the delivery had finally arrived. Though the young man was not thrilled to be a father, he was supportive of his wife. But things went haywire. What was supposed to be a happy day, turned out to be a day of terror and sorrow. The man lost his wife during the delivery and he was left with their newborn not. "Last year, day of labor comes, of course, I'm beside her even though it's a baby I never wanted. I'd rather not get into detail, but the worst happened and I went home alone with a baby," stated the man, according to Cafe Mom.
With no one to offer a helping hand, the man struggled in his journey of parenthood. He wanted to join medical school but the arrival of the kid and the death of his wife altered his plans.
He began doing two jobs to cover expenses and parenting was extremely challenging for the young man. "I had no idea how to raise a child. I worked two jobs and my son was bounced around with my friends, who rotated looking after him while I was working. I worked 12 am - 8 am overnight where I'd leave him with my best friend," wrote the man, according to Cafe Mom. Meanwhile, he admitted his baby was fussy and mostly slept through the night.
After a trying work schedule, the man took up the role of a father until it became time for him to go work at 3 pm again. "Sometimes I wouldn't be able to and I'd have to call sick for work. Typically I'd sleep through both my lunch breaks for either job," said the helpless father.
The father went on to say that he resented his son even when he had an affection hidden inside of him. "He's sleeping next to me in his cradle and looking at his squishy little face. I hate this stupid [expletive] kid. Well, not entirely. When he snuggles next to me the few hours I have off, I get a rush of affection for him. But most of the time, I hate him," said the father, unable to understand his emotions.
On the kid's birthday, the young man was unable to rejoice. For him, it was the day his wife died. He was left alone and his anger was channeled towards his kid. "This isn't his birthday, this is the day my wife died. If she had been here right now, then I wouldn't be all by myself with a one-year-old. Who I literally hate more than anything in the world," wrote the father, according to Cafe Mom. Moreover, he is unhappy that he never got to live the life he dreamt of with his kid and wife.
He also feared that his friends were tired of helping him babysit. He stated, "They're already getting sick of him. I'm sick of him. And I've got seventeen more years before I'm free. I don't know what to do. I don't know what this post was about. I guess I'm just asking... how do I get past this? How do I handle this? How do I do this?"
His story touched the hearts of many. They understood the pain that was responsible for his complex emotions towards his child. He stated, "I think you have a lot of misplaced anger against your son. I can't begin to imagine your pain, but I do know that little boy will grow older and you will see your wife in him as well as you. Babies are HARD. But things get easier," according to Cafe Mom.
Others assured him that he was trying his best and that he still had time to create the life he wanted. "Despite your feelings towards your son, you're hanging in there -- you've sacrificed and you're working hard and you've refused to give him up. Give yourself some kudos for that. And listen, this doesn't have to be forever. Your future is not over, and your life story has not been written yet," wrote another.