"We make women who are struggling with this feel isolated and lonely; we make them feel like it's all their fault," she said about the struggles of pregnancy.
No matter how badly you want something, you can't fight against what fate has in store for you. For Anne Hathaway to give birth to her own child and become a mother was all that she longed for. But no matter what she did to make this a reality, the many failed attempts had left her broken and devastated, showing her, like many other hopeful mothers, the pain of pregnancy that some women go through.
"I just remembered how I felt when I was struggling myself," Anne Hathaway told the Daily Mail. 'Each time I was trying to get pregnant and it wasn't going my way, someone else would manage to conceive. I knew intellectually that it didn't happen just to torment me, but, to be honest, it felt a little bit like it did."
When people tried to make her feel better about it, she would said that she would think, "My feelings are my feelings, and I'm fairly devastated right now, so whatever you say, I'm still going to feel that way." What kept her going was her husband, Adam Shulman, and the stories of other women who were willing to share their pain with her. "Of course, my husband was there with me every step of the way, but I was also amazed at the number of women in my life who were brave enough to share their stories with me," Anne Hathaway said.
In the midst of trying to find reasons for why it's happening to her or finding something to blame to make it easier to deal with, she ended up blaming herself. "When I said to them: 'This has happened to me, it broke my heart, it broke me,' so many of them said: 'It happened to me, too,'" she said, "and that was the thing that allowed me to come through it, to feel my pain without having anyone rush in to define it or cure it. To be able to understand what was going on beyond blaming myself or blaming my body."
Today, she's pregnant with her second child, but like she wrote on Instagram, "it was not a straight line to either of my pregnancies". While she may celebrate out loud today about preparing to welcome her second child, she will never forget the silent moments she felt as she went through "conception hell".
"It's not [always a straight line]. There is a one-sided narrative to this, and of course it's wonderful that we celebrate the happy moment when it's ready to share," she told ET. "I think there is a silence around the moments before that and they are not all happy, and in fact a lot of them are quite painful. I think that pain is that these women feel like we're the only ones going through it."
What's most difficult about pregnancy is that people only come out and share the big news with their friends and family when a baby is finally conceived. But up until that moment, women silently shrink into their own isolated worlds, thinking they're alone in dealing with the failed attempts and the struggles of infertility. "What made matters worse was that I was embarrassed to feel like that because there was no conversation to be had about it. This is something people don't talk about, and I think they should.." she said.
By always painting a happy picture around pregnancy, she realized how unfair it was to leave out the reality of it all. "By leaving out the sad part, we make women who are struggling with this feel isolated and lonely; we make them feel like it's all their fault," she said.
Each time she mentioned being pregnant, she knew that there would be another woman out there somewhere who might be happy for her but is also reminded of how she's not able to have the same joy. "She's going to see my announcement and, while I understand she will be happy for me, I also know that something about it will make her feel worse," she said. "I just wanted to say: 'Look, this wasn't as easy for me as it looks.'"
She's happy to finally be able to give a sibling to her 3-year-old son, Jonathan. But she knows the hopeless desperation that comes when you want something so badly but it just doesn't happen. And to everyone going through the same broken feeling as her, she said, "they're included in my story too and that my story didn't just have happy moments too."