It's only when the one person you were supposed to be able to trust breaks it so badly that you build the walls that keep you from crumbling.
When you got into the relationship, you didn't go in believing that your partner would betray you. And at first, everything was fine. But then the signs started to come up and they started to distance themselves from you. It hurt. And then what was once something beautiful and made you feel loved came crashing down. The pain of the betrayal ate away at you.
And now, only those who've gone through the same will understand these heartbreaking things you went through:
You thought you had finally found your one true love. It filled your soul. Until they betrayed you. That one act turned a beautiful dream into your worst nightmare. You didn't know what to believe and whether you would survive the fallout. There was a void that had been created, one that wasn't satisfied with anything. And there were no words to explain how you feel.
You trusted them with everything in you. But when it was broken, the devastation it caused you seemed to have no cure. So you built impenetrable walls around your heart and can't really trust anyone with your deepest emotions. It made you come off as cold and aloof, but you'd rather be called that than allow someone else to take your love and trample it. You just can't afford to get hurt again.
You thought you could've depended on your partner to reciprocate your feelings and trust. But now you can't. You feel it's better to just be emotionally independent and never allow anyone to be able to hold your heart again. You trust only yourself to keep you from breaking completely and working through hard times.
As much as you might want to tell someone about the utter pain you're going through, you don't. You plaster a brave face on for your loved ones and act as if you're okay. They have no idea of the turmoil that boils inside you. You may have built walls to protect yourself but you also want to protect them from seeing just how heartbroken you are. So you never showed them how vulnerable you are. All these bottled emotions eat you up sometimes, but you kept it in for yourself and for them.
Through all of this, if there's anything you learned, it is that no one is worth losing your self-respect over. You know that loving someone is worthless unless there is respect. Anyone who makes you doubt yourself is not the right person for you. You matter too and if your partner really loved you, then there would be no need for them to betray you.
You wish you could go back to being the happy, carefree, confident woman you were before you were so brutally betrayed. That version of you was open with her emotions, could trust people and love as if there was no tomorrow. Now, the agony of betrayal has made you more cautious and critical of those who want to get close to you. Though you may have found happiness in other things and yourself, your belief in love is dampened. You can no longer just hand over your deepest fears and insecurities in the hopes that your partner will be there to support you.
It's not easy to live like this. And the torture of having to clamp down on your emotions is exhausting. But just how do you let yourself live like your naive self again? It's okay to feel this way but don't give up on love. Use the caution and care that you gained from this experience to find that one person who understands you, respects you, appreciates the real you and loves you the way you do them. You deserve that happiness.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.