When we are left wondering if the hurt and pain we suffer due to them is coming from a place of misplaced concern, or complete apathy, it is a sign that something is horribly amiss in the relationship.
When it comes to abuse in a relationship, it is not always as easy to spot as people think it is. This is especially true for emotional abuse, which often comes from people we deeply care about. We are left wondering if the hurt and pain we suffer due to them is coming from a place of misplaced concern, or complete apathy. And if the internal battle we face is not reason enough, the very fact that it takes us on an emotional roller coaster is something that should make us re-think our commitment to psychologically abusive relationship.
The truth is, emotionally abusive people set their own rules in a relationship. While some are not aware of how their behavior affects their partner, there are others who will be brazen about it, with no regard to your wellbeing. The thing is, being caught in an abusive cycle can make you feel weak and helpless.
An emotionally abusive partner will refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead, look the other way or seem unconcerned as you struggle with the pain they leave you in. They justify and make excuses for their mistakes, but will hold you responsible for anything that goes wrong. The hypocrisy can be infuriating, but what will hurt more is their complete lack of regard for your mental wellbeing.
If your partner is emotionally abusive, here are 13 double standards that you would be all too familiar with:
1. They will criticize you on a whim but hate being questioned themselves. They may even be known as the devil's advocate by people who know their true nature.
2. It doesn't bother them if you're anxious or upset, they'll bully you into opening up even when it may seem like you need your space. However, they end up stonewalling you or withdraw when they're upset. What many fail to realize is that withdrawing from your partner is a form of emotional abuse.
3. They flirt with people under the pretense of making new friends or socializing at work but when it comes to you, they'll accuse you of being unfaithful.
4. They want to know where you are at all times, but won't tell you if they have plans of their own.
5. They blame you for their abusive behavior and lousy moods, but they won't stand it when you're having a bad day. A partner who is insensitive to your mood may even accuse of being unfair if you're not your normal self on a bad day.
6. Your feelings and requests are irrelevant to them, but they expect you to give all your attention when they want you to do something for them.
7. They approach you for sex and affection only when they're in the mood and completely disregard how you feel.
8. Your decisions are never yours as they make them for you, irrespective of what you want. However, they'll completely lose their minds if you don't ask them before making decisions on their behalf.
9. They insist that the relationship is open for communication pushing you to disclose all your secrets, while they won't share any of their secrets with you.
10. They don't disclose their financial affairs with you but expect you to share all your expenses with them.
11. They're needy and always expect you to be around them, but you won't see them anywhere when you need them the most.
12. Your needs and desires come secondary to theirs, and sometimes it completely goes ignored.
13. Humiliating you in front of others and belittling you is what they enjoy. Don't try to make a joke on them in public as they'll hold it against you. It wouldn't even be surprising if they created a scene and overreacted.
This is the kind of behavior that would be damaging to anyone, regardless of how strong or weathered you are. While some may be able to identify it and stand up for themselves, it is never easy for those who are highly sensitive. Chances are, you may even mistake it to be their way of showing they care. But the truth is, having to deal with these double standards and navigating the changing moods of an overbearing partner can leave you mentally exhausted.
You will feel like you're caught in an emotional roller-coaster that doesn't end until you decide to completely break free from the relationship. If you feel any of these 13 things, it is a sign the relationship is abusive.
1. Like you're constantly walking on eggshells
2. Feeling tired or lethargic because you're emotionally exhausted
3. It often seems like you're being used and your effort and time is not valued
4. Trying to understand your partner's feelings towards you leaves you in a state of confusion
5. Constant fear of not being good enough
6. Like you're stuck on an emotional roller coaster that has no exit
7. There's very little time you have for yourself because of how emotionally demanding your partner is
8. Always frustrated or angry at your situation or yourself
9. Like you're trapped inside a box
11. Clouded by anxiety about where the relationship is going
12. You end up feeling hopeless and rejected
13. Feelings of loneliness take over more often than not
13. The relationship does not make you feel safe
If you're able to relate to most of these points, it is a sign that you need to have a conversation with your partner. That it's time to break out of this abusive cycle before it's too late. Think about what this relationship means to you and what you need to do for yourself. Talk to your friends, family or therapist, too, is something that can help. Coming to terms with the truth that the person you care about is the cause for your pain can suck the life out of you. If standing up to them is tough, it is best to seek professional help, perhaps even couple's therapy to find a way to mend it. But it is also important to remember that emotional abuse can be tough to navigate, and that your own emotional wellbeing and peace of mind needs to be the top priority.